One time, after a training I was facilitating on advocacy and disability inclusion, a participant said to me,
"You have so much knowledge on this topic. You really know what you're talking about."
I smiled and replied, "Yes, I do. Thank you."
Then she asked,
"Where do you get all this information? Are there books you're reading that you could share?"
I froze for a moment because, honestly, I didn't have an answer. But my impulsive brain quickly jumped in and said,
"Oh yes, there are a couple of materials I could share. I'll send you something you can read."
Now, if I'm being truthful, I don't think I ever shared any materials with that beautiful young lady. At the time, I didn't even know how to explain where my knowledge came from. I mean, apart from the amazing trainings I have been to and mentors I have.
That conversation has lingered in my mind for quite some time. In fact, I know for sure I have promised many people that I would share reading materials on different topics. The reason I'm writing this article today is because I recently found myself on a journey of self-discovery but to be honest, I was pushed into it by the situation. Along this journey, I made an important discovery about how my brain works.
« The beautiful part for me in all this is that while I may get stuck on an idea for long after everyone else has moved on, I rarely move on until it is answered or I have attempted to get answers. »
To be fair, I have always known for a long time that my mind operates like this, I just never stopped and really thought about it that much.
One thing I know, is whenever discussions about self-awareness and strengths come up, I've always described curiosity as one of my greatest strengths. I've admired the way it drives me to seek information simply because I want to know more. What surprised me, however, was that I had never connected this curiosity to the amount of knowledge I accumulate over time.
Recently, I learned about something called "going down the rabbit hole" and how this is linked to ADHD brains. Discovering this was both fascinating and affirming. It helped me understand something I've been doing my entire life.
For me, the rabbit hole can begin anywhere, during conversations, in meetings, while watching a movie, or even from a random thought that appears out of nowhere. The moment an idea captures my attention, my mind starts analyzing it. This is mostly caused by struggles to regulate attention for people with ADHD, mostly termed as inattention.
Take for example a conversation about rights and suddenly my brain asks: What exactly are rights? (A question I have genuinely Googled several times for reasons I still can't explain), How are rights connected to this? How do rights apply differently to different people? What happens when rights conflict with one another? And it goes on and on
The questions keep multiplying, each one leading to another, until something else distracts me or pulls me back into the room. Sometimes, that "something else" is simply another interesting idea waiting to be explored.
In my discovery, I learnt many people with ADHD experience these patterns because of challenges in regulating attention. The attention doesn't necessarily disappear, it often shifts, deepens, or becomes intensely focused on a particular thread of thought or ideas.
The beautiful part for me in all this is that while I may get stuck on an idea for long after everyone else has moved on, I rarely move on until it is answered or I have attempted to get answers. Depending on whether I feel safe enough in a space, I may ask dozens of questions. More often, though, I turn to digital research and begin digging for answers.
During this kind of exploration, I find one article or report that leads to another and before I know it, hours have passed, and I have accumulated a lot of information. And, as I recently realized, this is where much of my knowledge comes from.
The tricky part is that I rarely keep track of my sources. I might read dozens of articles, reports, research papers, and opinion pieces, but months later I won't remember exactly where a particular piece of information came from. I retain the knowledge, but not the map that led me there.
In many ways, this also explains why sometimes I am also surprised by what I know. I'll find myself contributing to a discussion, sharing insights, or connecting ideas, only to stop and wonder, "Wait... how do I know this?"
The answer, I think, is hidden somewhere in the rabbit hole.
This distraction may actually be one of my gifts. Yes, it does pull me away from the present moment. Yes, it can send me chasing ideas at inconvenient times. And like a lot of persons with ADHD, I have paid dearly for the divided attention. Despite the losses that we incur, monetary and non-monetary. I do acknowledge it is also the reason I continuously learn, question, connect dots, and discover new ways of understanding the world.
Perhaps the rabbit hole is both a curse and a blessing.
And maybe, just maybe, now I have the definite answer for all the people I promised to share my source of knowledge with.
Article by: Joy Mugure