Why “You Won’t Find Someone Else’ Is a Lie” Women with Disabilities and Relationship Abuse
Society often treats romantic relationships as something that women with disabilities should be ‘grateful’ for. This is untrue. Love should be a mutual, respectful connection between two people.
family of a lady with albinism (Microsoft Designer)
Women with disabilities face multiple layers of discrimination, including social stigma, economic exclusion, and in many cases, relationship abuse. One of the most damaging narratives used to trap them in abusive relationships is the falsehood: "You won’t find someone else." This lie preys on societal biases and personal insecurities, keeping many women in harmful situations. However, the truth is that every woman, regardless of the intersecting identities, deserves love, respect, and a healthy relationship.
The Reality of Relationship Abuse Among Women with Disabilities
Research and lived experiences show that women with disabilities in Kenya are more vulnerable to relationship abuse. This includes physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse. Many face isolation from their families and communities, making it difficult to seek help. The belief that they should be "grateful" to have a partner often silences their cries for support, forcing them to endure abusive situations for fear of never finding love again.
Breaking Down the ‘You Won’t Find Someone Else’ Lie
This manipulative phrase is rooted in several harmful misconceptions:
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Disability Does Not Diminish Worth
Many women with disabilities are led to believe they are unworthy of love and respect. However, disability does not define a person’s ability to be in a fulfilling relationship. Self-worth should never be tied to another person’s validation, especially an abusive partner's.
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Love Is Not a Privilege—It’s a Right
Society often treats romantic relationships as something that women with disabilities should be ‘grateful’ for. This is untrue. Love should be a mutual, respectful connection between two people. If a partner uses fear and manipulation to make a woman stay, it is not love—it is control.
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There Are Support Systems and Safe Exits
While finding support may be challenging, it is not impossible. Organizations such as the Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA) provides resources for women with disabilities facing abuse. Legal frameworks such as the Protection Against Domestic Violence Act also exist to protect victims.
Steps Towards Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy, but it is possible. Here are steps women with disabilities can take:
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1. Recognize the Abuse
Acknowledge the signs of emotional, physical, or financial abuse. It is not normal for a partner to belittle, isolate, or harm you.
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2. Reach Out for Support
Identify a trusted friend, family member, or support group. Seeking guidance from organizations like FIDA can provide a safety net.
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3. Understand Your Rights
Familiarize yourself with Kenya’s laws on domestic violence and disability rights. This knowledge can empower you to seek legal protection.
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4. Have a Safe Exit Plan
Plan a way to leave safely, considering accessibility needs, shelter options, and financial independence.
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5. Seek Counselling and Healing
Emotional healing is a crucial part of moving forward. Therapy, peer support, and community groups can aid in the recovery process.
The idea that a woman with a disability cannot find a loving and respectful partner is a dangerous lie that traps many in abusive relationships. In Kenya, where social stigma and limited resources pose challenges, it is crucial to dismantle these myths and empower women with disabilities to seek healthier relationships.
Every woman, deserves safety, love, and respect. The journey to breaking free from abuse is difficult, but it is never impossible. Support systems exist, and no one should feel forced to stay in a harmful relationship out of fear of loneliness. True love is built on respect, not control.